Love Relationships At Work

I received a question this week asking, “Just wondering what your attitude would be toward a boss and subordinate starting a relationship at work and the effects on other staff?”

Personally, my “attitude” when it comes to office romances is to run for the hills if you’re even considering this. Nothing good can come of this. The numbers are against their success in any way. That’s my attitude. However, with that being said, I also have opinions on several different scenarios which may shed a little more light. In the question, there was no other description of the details of this relationship at work and so I was left to ponder these scenarios and come up with an opinion on each. So here goes.

Boss and subordinate are both single. If this were the case, I really don’t see how this would be of anyone’s business but the two parties involved. Provided they have both come clean and are open about their relationship, the only course of action would be to ensure that the subordinate does not report directly to the boss and instead, would report directly to either another manager or a supervisor of some sort. The boss would also have to practice recusal in all dealings involving the subordinate to ensure that there would be no conflict of interest or perceived favoritism when it came time for performance reviews, promotions or other special considerations of the subordinate. In fact, I know a couple who met at work (he was her boss) and upon the decision to start dating, they approached his superior and announced their plans. She now reports directly to a different boss yet they still work together in the same department. Honesty works.

Either boss or subordinate or both are already in a relationship with other people. This would be a completely inappropriate relationship and one of the two would need to be removed immediately from the workplace, preferably both. This is a character/values/integrity issue. Any organization that would knowingly allow two people to engage in an inappropriate relationship such as this, has obviously demonstrated that it lacks the moral fiber to serve its customers and the rest of the staff with integrity and good judgment. In fact, I am aware of one situation where this did occur – manager and subordinate having an inappropriate relationship. A corporate VP found out about it, brought the two into the office and told them that within twenty minutes, one of the two of them was leaving the company and for them to figure out who was going. The subordinate left and the manager not long after.

It is crucial that if you are going to engage in a relationship at work, that it be above-board and transparent. A relationship based on lies never lasts and it does tremendous damage to morale and employee engagement. If you’ll do something that is dishonest with your co-workers, you’ll do it with your customers.

Attitude Adjustment: If you see something at work that is questionable and it goes against your values and morals, you need to speak up. Tell the boss’s boss. However, if your boss is the top of the food chain, you need to dust off the resume and start looking for another job. Before you leave, confront the boss and tell him or her the truth of why you are leaving. Being found out by others is usually a great way to bring an end to an inappropriate relationship.

Bosses hate to lose face with their subordinates – hopefully, it makes them realize that they have damaged the trust and respect of their staff. People don’t perform well for bosses who are not trusted, respected or lack integrity. Besides, you really don’t want to work there if that’s the environment. Dishonesty and inappropriateness really do affect the bottom-line. But not speaking up only gives a blessing to the inappropriate behavior. Are you willing to sell out your values for a paycheck?

People As Assets

Two houses, both thirty years-old stand side by side on a neighborhood street. Both houses are for sale. Both houses have exactly the same design and were built at the same time. One house is valued thirty percent higher than the other because the real estate agent has determined that one is more valuable. The reasons? The more valuable house has undergone a series of fresh renovations including new floors, new paint, new kitchen cabinets, new appliances, new energy efficient furnace and water heater, well kept gardens and lawn and general organization and lack of clutter in the higher-valued house. The other house was allowed to deteriorate without any improvements. One homeowner chose to invest some money into refurbishing a deteriorating property while the other homeowner did little. Now, one house is worth an extra thirty percent.

That is the same philosophy we each need to bring with us to our professions. The person who continually upgrades, learns, reads, attends the seminars and does research will be inherently more valuable than the one who does nothing more than the job. If it came down to choosing one of two employees who began a job on the same date, had the same job and performed the same duties, my guess would be that the edge in a race for promotion would go to the person who has self-improved, renovated his or her brain, raised their personal stock and improved their personal value.

If you are an employer, you are likely to get a better return on investment from the employee who self-improves over the one who does nothing to improve. That self-improving employee will become a more valuable asset to the company. Any employee who is willing to continually learn will be a much better "engaged" employee and far more likely to impact the organization in a positive way.

If people are assets, then those same assets should have a return on investment. It is incumbent upon employees to self-improve so that their results improve as well. When results improve, the paycheck will improve. Raises and promotions rarely come to those who don't care about keeping ahead of the curve. You don't get the promotion just because you've outlived most of the other employees. You get a promotion (with a raise) because you have shown increased value to not only your bosses, but to your fellow employees as well.

Attitude Adjustment: Assets, over time, can devalue, depreciate, go stale and can also erode their own value. Most of us are willing to dump our assets when they become redundant or the moment those same assets stop delivering benefits. Are you one of these type of assets? If so, prepare to be dumped. If you want to have good job-security, learn what the others are not willing to learn. You will become so valuable, your employer wouldn't dare let you go. And if you are still laid-off, there will be another organization prepared to snap you up right away. Your future security is in your hands.

A Happy Workplace?

A while ago, I responded to a comment on The Employee Engagement Network that asked the question about employees finding happiness in their jobs and developing a "happy" workplace. Now, if you've ever attended one of my keynote sessions, you already know that I don't subscribe to the concept of happiness being found on the job. I was asked to clarify my belief on happiness and so I shall attempt to do so here.

Happiness is not a result of finding the perfect job, finding the perfect partner, having a lot of money or by finally reaching retirement.

If one person on the job is happy and the person in the next cubicle (doing the same job) is not, it stands to reason that happiness is not a result of the work, the pay, the benefits, the environment of the job or the boss. Happiness cannot be defined by doing a job. Happiness cannot be the end-result of working or everyone doing the same job, the same responsibilities, responding to the same stresses and carrying out the same duties or everyone would be happy across the board. We already know that this is not so. We can't address people's home-lives, their values, their character traits or their beliefs on accountability. Therefore, it is impossible for the job to make anyone and everyone happy.

Happiness is a state of being and not a result. Happiness therefore must be and has to be a choice. There are so many extenuating circumstances that can allow people to be moody, angry, frustrated, negative and condescending. These are choices that individuals make in reaction to circumstances. There is no single event that causes people to live a life of misery and therefore the same must be true on the other end: a good job will not compensate for a lifetime of hardship and struggle and therefore no job can make a person happy.

If there were ten employees in a workplace and five seemed happy and five seemed miserable regardless of the fact that the culture of the workplace was positive, supportive, engaging and rewarding, would the onus still be on management to work harder to get the miserable employees to become happy? I doubt that any of these character choices of the miserable group could be blamed on the job. Therefore, can we take full credit for a group of happy staffers? People don't "make" people happy. Happiness is something we choose to feel. No one person or thing "makes" a person miserable. People, based on their personal philosophy and values, choose to feel miserable.

Let's not delude our thinking into believing that we can make employees happy. We can make the job rewarding. We can make the job fun. We can make the job engaging but that is no guarantee that the people we work with, at the end of the day, are going to be happy. Happiness is a choice.

People who have chosen to be happy and still are not, never were happy in the first place. Personally, have I found happiness in my work? Nope. It doesn't exist here either. There are parts of my job that I love. There are parts of my job that I despise (see travel, airlines, airports, security screening, long distances in rental cars, lost hotel reservations, bad meals in restaurants, bad service, bad coffee in hotel rooms, etc., etc.,). Does that mean I am an unhappy person? Of course not. But I made a deal a long time ago that I would help people get better at their jobs, improve their circumstances in life by improving themselves and develop a resilient attitude when life hands us crap. That deal, I am still keeping. That is my mission. That is the reason I get out of bed in the morning because I made a promise to do this and I keep my word. There is great reward in my work but I don't consider that to be happiness.

Any employer who believes that because of their own leadership, their employees will be happy, is self-deluding. I can't make you happy. I can bring some joy. I can bring a little peace. I can even bring an "a-ha" moment which opens you up to your own potential but I can not make you happy.

Clive Beddoe, former CEO of WestJet Airlines was once asked why all of his employees seemed happy on the job. He replied, "I learned a long time ago that you can't teach people how to have a happy personality. So we just hire happy people and teach them how to do the job."

Attitude Adjustment: You will NOT find happiness on the job. It is not a result. It is a choice. Make the choice to be happy. Learn everything you can in finding your happiness buttons, pursue it relentlessly and you will soon find that it never was the job that needed to be changed - it was you. Life gets better when you get better. But as for a happy workplace? The workplace will only be as happy as the people working in it!

No Better Time For Better

Personally, I always thought perfectionism was another word for procrastination. Often, in the perfectionist mind, the perfectionist will say, “Since it’s unlikely this project will turn out perfectly anyway and since there is no perfect time to start, why bother?” That seems like a great strategy to procrastinate.

But then, this week, I read an article from BPS Research Digest on Athletes Benefit from Being Perfectionist. In the article, it extols the virtues of striving for perfectionism and that our performance level and personal motivation are actually increased when we strive for perfection. If you recall, a recent article I wrote extolled the virtues of dopamine, a feel-good natural chemical, being released into the brain when we relentlessly pursue a goal.

Being your best, giving your best and becoming your best can be linked to perfectionism. Why wouldn’t we study that which we choose to do (employment or career) each day to improve our performance and in doing so, improve our results? Why is it that we choose to offer our clients and co-workers only the skill set we had when we took the job and choose not to self-improve?

Michael Bloomberg, the current Mayor of New York City once said that you are not paid for what you have done in the past but you are actually paid for what you are about to do in the future. In other words, people (companies and organizations in particular) agree to pay you for what you can bring to their organizations. You are not paid for what you’ve done in the past. You are paid for what you are about to do for your company or organization.

In the same way you would choose items in your investment portfolio based on performance of the past, you will choose investments that you hope will bring a healthy return to you on your investment in the future. The same could be said of your employer. They are looking for a healthy return on investment too. And so are your customers. Why then, would you choose to be a mediocre performer when there are some investments (people and companies) who are better performers in the marketplace?

Attitude Adjustment: You don’t need to be perfect to achieve an increase in your standard of living. You just have to adopt the attitude of wanting to strive for perfection – getting better with each and every day. People are more likely to invest in you if you have shown them that you are willing to invest in yourself first. Be your best. Do the work. Learn what you need to learn. Don’t allow the mediocrity of your co-workers to ever let you off the hook. Never allow yourself to utter the words, “that’s good enough.” Don’t ever let anyone tell you this is as good as it gets. Of course it isn’t. It can always be better.

The Pleasure Of Never Reaching A Goal

I remember years ago attending a seminar on goal-setting. This was sort of a generic goal-setting workshop that had the participants write down things that they wanted to accomplish in life - a sort of "Bucket List" if you will. Then a bunch of magazines were distributed to the participants and we were handed scissors to cut out pictures of the things we wanted. Those pictures were to be glued to a board as a collage of all of the things we wanted to have or accomplish with our lives. It sort of felt like Kindergarten class again.

We were told to, each day, visualize that we had already accomplished what we each said we wanted and to focus on pretending that it was a done-deal. I had difficulty subscribing to the concept of trying to trick my brain into seeing it as already completed. I mean, there was no work involved. According to the seminar leader, believe it and stuff would just show up magically.

I was at a loss for words to explain how cheated I felt in this session. I had hoped to find a blueprint to do the work but instead I was being asked to believe that simply thinking it would make it so. And I suppose it could for anyone provided there were no reality involved like bills showing up and bank statements indicating that each participant was a little shy of their goal of millions of dollars in the bank. In other words, there was no strategy to overcome reality. Just dream it and it will be so. Sorry. Didn't buy it.

So yesterday, when I read in the Lifehack Blog, an article on The Science Of Setting Goals, I realized why I didn't subscribe to the "motivational speaker" concept of goal-setting. It turns out that it is actually the pursuit of a goal that releases dopamine into the brain - a kind of "feel-good" chemical that brings pleasure. When the goal is achieved, the dopamine release stops. Therefore, pleasure stops. So it turns out that there seems to be less satisfaction and personal pleasure in achieving a goal than there is in relentlessly pursuing the goal. Once a person achieves a goal, it's over. There is no more mission, no more purpose, no more reason to get out of bed in the morning. Perhaps it's the reason that people who have a windfall of money end up doing nothing and eventually spend their windfall. They are looking for a high of dopamine pleasure that only exists in pursuing something worthwhile - not in actually getting it. Once you have accumulated everything you say you ever wanted in life, it doesn't seem to matter anymore.

Now the smart goal-setters are the ones who keep their goals just out of reach. What I mean by that is to set goals for yourself that will require you to stretch yourself a little. The goals can't be easy. There has to be some work involved.

Attitude Adjustment: Set your goals so that you have to work for them. Once you feel and see yourself getting close to attaining the goal, simply move the line away a little more so it is just a little out of reach again. You will find, over time that you were capable of attaining things you never thought you could do. Keep moving the line further and further away - but still within reach if you work at it. You will find that there is a whole lot more pleasure in realizing how far you are capable of stretching yourself than the pleasure you would find in attaining a goal and then resting on your laurels because you think you've accomplished something. Develop the attitude of believing that you are always capable of more - and more is what you will do and more is what you will have. There's a great deal of pleasure in that.

A Complimentary Complaint

I recently had a question to ask my bank about my business. I called the toll-free number on the web site and was connected with a gentleman who gave me the answer to my question. While we were on the phone, he also had a look at my business account and offered a couple of suggestions for new services that would help me and the day-to-day running of the business. After his explanation of each of the features, I agreed that they would benefit me. So he set the paperwork in motion.

A few days later I was in the local branch to sign a few papers. It took no more than about ten minutes. Leanne was my local representative. I must say that she didn’t inspire a lot of confidence for a business banking specialist but I gave one to the bank thinking they must know something I didn’t. She got the job for a reason.

A few days after that, while on a trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin, my cell phone rang. It was Leanne apologizing but she missed one more place that she needed a single signature. Being out of the country for a few days presented a challenge as the paperwork could not move forward without that single signature. I assured her, reluctantly, that I would come back into the branch for one signature when I returned.

I drove the twenty-five minutes to the branch, made one signature and drove home again.

Three weeks later, I had expected to see some kind of correspondence from my bank but I had received nothing. I called the business banking toll-free number again and was connected with Ian. I told Ian my story just as I have told it to you.

“Who was your rep at the branch?” Ian asked.

“Leanne,” I answered, “but I have to say she didn’t inspire a lot of confidence from me.”

Ian chuckled softly. “I really shouldn’t respond to that,” Ian laughed. “Let me put you on hold and see if I can track down what happened with the paperwork.”

A few minutes later, he returned to the call.

“Well Mr. Burns, Leanne isn’t with the branch anymore,” he chuckled.

“No surprise,” I responded.

“They seem to have misplaced the paperwork too. No one can seem to find your file. But I see here on my computer what was happening. Give me a few days. Perhaps we can just fax it to you for your new signatures.”

A week later, no one had returned my call so I called the business call center again.

“Karen speaking. How can I help you?” announced the voice on the phone.

I told my story again and followed it up with, “Don’t you think that it’s funny that after I have been offered these new services from the bank and I agreed to them that I can’t seem to get them?”

“Mr. Burns,” Karen spoke seriously. “I am on it. The buck stops here. I am taking accountability for this file. It will get it done. Will you trust me with that?”

Karen then proceeded to make arrangements to have the paperwork faxed to me. The difference this time was that no signatures would be required since I did my part already and they lost the paperwork. If there were no questions from the faxed paperwork, it would proceed. We chatted on a personal level for a few moments before we hung up. She had also given me her direct number and email address and told me she would be taking vacation for two weeks.

Two weeks later I spoke with Karen again.

“I just got back this morning from vacation,” she said. “Yours is the first file I checked on. I told you I would get it done and I have. Thank you for your business. If ever you need anything else, you can call me directly. You have my number and email address.”

I wanted to give Karen a compliment on her service and “accountable” attitude. I went to the web site. Here’s where it got funny. There was no place to give a compliment to the bank. Complaints? Oh I could complain all I wanted. There were all sorts of choices to offer a complaint but I couldn’t find a single place to give a compliment. So I called the call center again.

I was given Karen’s supervisor’s name, mailing address and email address. I wrote a letter, mailed it and also sent a note to Karen too, thanking her for the way in which she handled and took charge of my situation.

Attitude Adjustment: Have you made it possible for the people you serve to give you compliments? I realize that it’s en-vogue to complain about the big banks and their profits but how about if someone wants to give a compliment? Is your service worthy of a compliment? If you get outstanding service, is it even in you to give a compliment? Offer people a reason to say something nice and they probably will. Give them only the option of complaining and they will. Take on the attitude of “service” and serve. Customer service isn’t just a department – it’s an attitude.

Wearing Commitment Under Your Sleeve

Her name is Holly and she is what appears to be, a typical seventeen year-old. I first met Holly at a music recital. Children as young as six years-old each took the stage and played at least one solo piece. The audience was a gathering of family and friends of the children who had been taking music lessons. Obviously, this was a friendly crowd for any child who performed.

When Holly took the stage, we could see a tattoo peeking out from under the sleeve of her T-shirt. She sat herself upon the piano bench and proceeded to “blow the hair back” of every audience member. What this young girl accomplished at the piano was astounding. Needless to say, she didn’t miss a single note and her fingers were flying across the ivories.

After the recital, as we gathered in the church hall for snacks, Holly and her mother sat at out table.

“That was pretty impressive,” I said to her.

“Thank you,” was her shy reply.

It was then I could see the bottom of the tattoo peeking out from under her sleeve. This time I was close enough to read what it said: “Ludwig Von Beethoven.”

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen someone sporting a Beethoven Tattoo,” I smiled at Holly.

With that said, Holly pulled up the sleeve to show the rest of the tattoo. A full picture of Beethoven’s bust with his name inscribed below. The tattoo went up to her shoulder and halfway down her bicep. All tolled, it was about six inches tall and four inches wide. And it was magnificent work – incredibly detailed.

“That’s my commitment,” Holly said with a smile.

Turns out Holly, at seventeen, has been playing for only two and a half years. However, she said she practices about three to four hours a day. Her mother, who also played piano as a child, is very proud of her daughter’s commitment to the piano. Even though, it seems Holly has a hard time finding enough time in the day to practice – as she also helps out the family financially. In addition to contributing to household finances for the family, she is still in school plus she helps her music teacher out with lessons and other ways so that she can exchange for extra lessons for herself.

Holly’s commitment to being the best she can be on the piano is evident. Her heart is in it and her commitment to her music is unwavering in spite of her financial situation. There are no excuses for not being her very best.

Attitude Adjustment: What are you prepared to do to be the best on the job you can be? Are you letting reasons, excuses and justifiers stand in the way of your personal performance? Really, it doesn’t take a lot of time to read a chapter in a book that can improve your performance. If you would one day like to move up into a promotion, are you preparing yourself now by reading everything you can on leadership, management or communications? Why is it that once we have a job, we think we can stop learning? The world is an ever-changing place. Think about the technological advancements that have been made over the past five years. Are you in front of the curve or lagging behind it? If you’re not constantly self-improving, in this day and age, you are falling behind. And trust me when I say this, the people who will be rewarded with perks, bonuses and promotions in the future, are the same people who are self-schooling and self-improving today. So what can you learn today that improves your potential rewards tomorrow? Remember, no excuses.